Asshole - Denis Leary

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I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
Nah

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah)
And I'm gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those greaseball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why, because we've got the bomb, that's why
Two words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we've got the bombs, OK?
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer
We're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas and
(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of itLyrics provided by TANCODEhttp://lyricsever.com/" readonly=""/>

Asshole Lyrics

Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me, about you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub cockle area
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon, we don't know

I'm just a regular Joe, with a regular job
I'm your average white, suburbanite slob
I like football and porno and books about war
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(Oh no, no way, uh uh)
No I gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
Nah

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah)
And I'm gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those greaseball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why, because we've got the bomb, that's why
Two words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we've got the bombs, OK?
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer
We're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas and
(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it

Lyrics provided by LyricsEver.com
Denis Leary was born and raised in Worcester, Massachusetts, the son of Nora and John Leary, Irish immigrants who had grown up together. After a childhood in the 1960s, Leary went to Emerson College in Boston, where he tried his hand at acting and writing. He was a charter member of Emerson's Comedy Workshop, and taught at the college for five years after graduating. By that point he had written several pieces for magazines and had worked at stand-up comedy for a time. In 1990 he and his wife Ann flew to London to perform in the BBC's Paramount City. That weekend Ann's water broke. Their planned weekend trip became a stay of months, and Denis, with not a whole lot to do in London, wrote a one-man comedy act. He brought friends in from the States, and they wrote songs to perform on stage. Leary, with Chris Phillips and Adam Roth on guitar, performed "No Cure For Cancer" at the Edinburgh International Arts Festival in Scotland. Despite some protests about the title, the show won the Critic's Award and the BBC Festival Recommendation. The next year the show was moved to America, and it was eventually taped and broadcast on Showtime (No Cure for Cancer (1992) (TV)). The show spawned a book, CD, cassette, and a videotape. It also started Leary's movie career. Since then, he has starred in several films and has had two of his own TV series.
He was the star and co-creator of Rescue Me, which ended its seventh and final season on September 7, 2011. Leary has starred in many motion pictures, most recently as Captain George Stacy in Marc Webb's 2012 film The Amazing Spider-Man, Cleveland Browns Head Coach Vince Penn in Ivan Reitman's 2014 film Draft Day, and the voice of Diego in the Ice Age franchise. As of 2015, he wrote and has been starring in the comedy series Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll, which premiered on FX on July 16.
Leary has appeared as an actor in more than 40 films, including The Sandlot, as Scott's stepfather Bill, Monument Ave., The Matchmaker, The Ref, Draft Day, Suicide Kings, Dawg, Wag the Dog, Demolition Man, Judgment Night, The Thomas Crown Affair, and Operation Dumbo Drop. He had a tiny part in Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers which was eventually cut. He held the lead role in two television series, The Job and Rescue Me; he co-created the latter, in which he played Tommy Gavin, a New York City firefighter dealing with alcoholism, family dysfunction and other issues in post-9/11 New York City. He received Emmy Award nominations in 2006 and 2007 for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series for Rescue Me, and in 2008 for Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie for the HBO movie Recount.[19] Leary was offered the role of Dignam in The Departed (2006) but turned it down due to scheduling conflicts with Rescue Me. He provided voices for characters in animated films, such as a fire-breathing dragon named Flame in the series The Agents, a pugnacious ladybug named Francis in A Bug's Life and a prehistoric saber-toothed tiger named Diego in the Ice Age film series. He has produced numerous movies, television shows, and specials through his production company, Apostle; these include Comedy Central's Shorties Watchin' Shorties, the stand-up special Denis Leary's Merry F#$%in' Christmas, and the movie Blow.
As a Boston Red Sox fan, he narrated the official 2004 World Series film (Q Video/MLB Productions, 2004). In 2006, Leary and Lenny Clarke appeared on television during a Red Sox telecast and, upon realizing that Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis is Jewish, delivered a criticism of Mel Gibson's antisemitic comments. As an ice hockey fan, Leary hosted the National Hockey League video NHL's Greatest Goals.[citation needed] In 2003, he was the subject of the Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary.[21]
Leary did the TV voiceover for MLB 2K8 advertisements, where he used his trademark rant style in baseball terms, and ads for the 2009 Ford F-150 pickup truck.[citation needed] He has also appeared in commercials for Hulu and DirecTV's NFL Sunday Ticket package.[citation needed] Leary was a producer of the Fox Broadcasting series Canterbury's Law, and wrote and directed its pilot episode. Canterbury's Law aired in the spring of 2008 and was canceled after eight episodes. On September 9, 2008, Leary hosted the sixth annual Fashion Rocks event, which aired on CBS. In December of the year, he appeared in a video on funnyordie.com critiquing a list of some of his "best" films, titled "Denis Leary Remembers Denis Leary Movies".[22] Also in 2008, Leary voiced a guest role as himself on the "Lost Verizon" episode of The Simpsons.
On March 21, 2009, Leary began the "Rescue Me Comedy Tour" in Atlantic City, New Jersey. The 11-date tour, featuring Rescue Me co-stars Lenny Clarke and Adam Ferrara, was Leary's first stand-up comedy tour in 12 years.[citation needed] The Comedy Central special Douchebags and Donuts, filmed during the tour, debuted on American television January 16, 2011, with a DVD release on January 18, 2011.[23]
He played Captain George Stacy in the movie The Amazing Spider-Man, released in July 2012.[24] He is writing the American adaptation of Sirens.[25]
Leary is one of the executive producers of the documentary BURN, which chronicles the struggles of the Detroit Fire Department. BURN made its debut on April 23, 2012, at the Tribeca Film Festival.[citation needed]
Leary has created a new television series for FX, in which he also stars in the lead role, called Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll. A 10-episode first season has been ordered by FX, which premiered on July 16, 2015. Read more on Last.fm. User-contributed text is available under the Creative Commons By-SA License; additional terms may apply.

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