New Christmas Song - Kevin Bloody Wilson

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New Christmas Song Lyrics

Hey Santa claus you cunt!
Where's me fucking bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.
I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twice
Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike.
If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.
And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!
You've stuffed me bloody order up
It's enough to make you spew
And I'm not the only one who's snakey
Me sisters dirty too!
(female voice)
Hey santa clause you cunt!
Where's me fucking pram?
You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.
'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand
I'll give you fucking ho ho ho
You forgot me fucking pram
(male voice)
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts
And I'll let your fucking reihndeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!
You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store
And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door
And we'll say, yeah you wait for it
Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes
And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells fucking lies
He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright
'Cause the old fucking wanker Forgot me fucking bike.
You wait you old cunt, I'm gonna dob you in
Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your fucking lights out
"I saw mummy sucking santa clause"

Lyrics provided by LyricsEver.com
Kevin Bloody Wilson (born '''Dennis Bryant''' on 13 February 1947 in Sydney, Australia) is a comedy singer/songwriter who uses a heavy Australian accent/style with great success. Without the aid of radio or Television coverage (due to the explicit, crude and sexual nature of his songs and general humour), he has built up a widespread cult following.

== Early career ==
Bryant was born in Sydney, New South Wales, although he identifies himself with Kalgoorlie, Western Australia, where he was an electrician in the gold mines.

In the 1970s Bryant fronted his own band called 'Bryan Dennis and the Country Club'. He also used the name 'Bryan Dennis' when he hosted a country music show on 6KG in Kalgoorlie from 1973 to 1980, before he was thrown off air for playing the parody song, "I'm Heaving On A Jet Plane".

He moved to Perth and began playing bawdy songs as a hobby, singing at pubs and Australian rules football clubs. In 1984 he put together a cassette of his songs called '[Your Average Australian Yobbo'', which he sold at gigs and by mail order. He managed to sell 22,000 copies of the cassette before it was eventually transferred to LP, where it went on to sell many thousands more.

He is notable as Perth's most famous comedian.
His humor is regarded as political correctness/politically incorrect.
As one of Australia's most successful comedians, he continues to tour and perform an average of 120 concerts world wide each year
2010 will see the release of his 15th album, EXCESS ALL AREAS
With no radio airplay and little television exposure, KEVIN BLOODY WILSON has sold more that 3.5 million albums

Wilson is married, and his wife Betty comes on tour with him
She can normally be seen selling merchandise - and has even appeared on guest vocals in a few of his songs, including "Dick'taphone".

Kevin appeared on the popular television show 'Enough Rope' with Andrew Denton in October 2008, which resulted with the shows highest ratings of the year

"The Genie in the Bottle" is a country song Kevin co-wrote with Adam Harvey that spent more than 6 weeks on the Australian Country Singles chart as well as reaching the number one video spot on the Country Music Television Channel in 2008

== Discography ==
*"Your Average Australian Yobbo" (1984)
*"Kev's Back (The Return of the Yobbo)" (1985)
*"Born Again Piss Tank" (1987)
*''My Australian Roots'' (1989)
*''The Loveable Larrikin'' (best-of) (1990)
*''The Far-Canal Album'' (best-of) (1990)
*''Let's Call Him ... Kev!'' (1991)
*''The Worst of Kevin Bloody Wilson'' (best-of) (1992)
*''Nashville Trash'' (1993)
*''Let Loose Live in London'' (1993)
*''Backout From the Outback'' (best-of) (1994)
*''Kev's Kristmas'' (1996)
*''Kalgoorlie Love Songs'' (1998)
*''The Second Kummin' of Kev'' (2001)
*''Let Loose Live in the Outback'' (2002)
*''20 Years of Kev'' (best-of) (2004)
*''DILLIGAF'' (2006)
*''Excess All Areas'' (2009)
His songs generally consist of irreverent humour and plenty of swearing with eclectic musical backing.

He has been nominated four times for Best Comedy release for the Australian ARIA Music Awards
*1987 for ''Kev's Back'' (won)
*1992 for ''Let's Call Him Kev''
*1995 for ''Let Loose Live In London''
*2002 for ''The Second Kumin' Of Kev''

Wilson's recordings are mainly sold through his website, and he has licensed them to mail order companies in different countries to provide easier distribution. In 2003 he placed a free mp3 on his website called ''The Shane Warne Song'', a song about the extracurricular exploits of the controversial Australian cricketer.

In 2007, Agence France-Presse note that Wilson's Christmas songs were popular downloads on YouTube.

== Touring ==
He regularly tours, spending about six months each year overseas. His tours include visiting less populous venues such as small towns in New Zealand where he has a large following. The majority of his fans are male and drawn from a wide age range - from 14 to 90. A favourite pastime of his (he almost always meets his fans afterwards) is autographing bare female breasts. When dedicating an autograph, it is not unusual for him to put "To _____, get fucked! Kev!". During several tours, Kevin has been joined by his daughter Jenny Talia.

While visiting Canada on a world tour, Kevin alleges that he was told that due to the high level of taboo surrounding the word, he was not allowed to say "cunt" in Canada. It is unknown whether this was an order or a suggestion. Whatever the case, Kevin made a note of this and walked onto the stage in Toronto and the first song he sang was his now somewhat infamous "You Can't Say Cunt In Canada".

==Website==
Wilson was the first Australian performing artist to have a website which a friend set up for him in 1993, which has since been a major source of album and product sales. He also runs an internet radio station kevfm.com, which was the first 24-hour adult comedy radio station.

== Recording and production studios ==

In 2006, Kev expanded his business interests by purchasing the recording and production studios that he recorded his first 2 albums at some 20 years earlier. PARAMOUNT MEDIA is a state of the art studio in Wanneroo in Western Australia that diversifies Wilson's media empire to create documentaries and pilots for TV shows.

==List of some better-known songs==
* Absolute Cunt of a Day
* Amazing Grass
* Bali Belly Song
* Big Fat Bum
* Breathe Through Me Ears
* Charlie The Doey Cunt
* Chucka Browneye
* D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.
* Dick'taphone
* Dolly Parton's Tits
* Don't Touch Your Sister
* Double Decker Dog
* Festival Of Farts
* Fuck Ya Guts Out
* Grandad's Got A Bone
* Heaving on a Jet Plane
* Hey G.M.H.
* Hey Santa Claus
* Ho Ho Fucking Ho
* (The Ode To) Huey & Billy
* I Gave Up Wanking
* It Was Over (aka Kev's Lament)
* Kev's Courting Song (aka Do Ya Fuck On First Dates?)
* Living Next Door To Alan
* Manuel The Bandito
* Mick The Master Farter
* My Dick's On The Dole
* My Grandfather's Cock
* Nigel Krap
* Ollie & Olga
* Pussy Tricks
* Rootin' In The Back Of The Ute
* Santa Was Stoned
* Says A Me Steve
* See Me When I'm Pissed
* She's The Sorta Sheila
* Stack The Fridge
* Super Mega Fugly
* That Damn Anal Fiend
* That Fuckin' Cat's Back
* That's What He Really Said
* The Aprentice
* The Builder
* The Featherbrain Championship
* The Festival Of Life
* The Great Roberto
* The Kid (He Swears A Bit)
* The Last Lager Waltz
* The Local
* The Perfect Ten
* The Potato Song
* The Pubic Hair Song
* They Beat Me
* You Can't Say Cunt In Canada

== Daughter ==
Jenny Talia has followed in her father's footsteps singing similarly bawdy songs, some of them being reworded Kev songs, but done from a female perspective.
www.jennytalia.com www.myspace.com/jennytaliafromaustralia

==Further reading==
* Britton, David (1985) ''Perth comic warned on language''. The West Australian, November 1, 1985, p.14.
* Nicholson, Brendan (1986) ''It’s no joke for Kevin''. Daily News, January 4, 1986, p.4.
* Cornish, Patrick (1996) ''The Kalgoorlie kid comes home''. West Australian, October 12, 1996, p. 4,(West Magazine).
* [[Chris Thomas (author)|Chris Thomas]](1996) ''Kevin's bloody well back home''. Sunday Times, October 13, 1996, (Rock On).
* (1997) ''Wilson curse threat case''. The West Australian, February 20, 1997, p.40.
* Jansen, Ara (2004) ''Kevin Bloody Wilson Esquire'' West Australian, April 10, 2004, p. 10-13, (West Magazine).

http://www.kevinbloodywilson.com/ Read more on Last.fm. User-contributed text is available under the Creative Commons By-SA License; additional terms may apply.

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Kevin Bloody Wilson